BY: IFEDAMOLA JOSEPH FAYOMI
Few questions spark deeper emotional and cultural conversations than this one: Should children take care of their parents?
In many societies, especially across Africa, this is not even seen as a question. It is often treated as a duty, an unquestionable responsibility, and a moral obligation.
Parents raise their children with sacrifice, love, sleepless nights, and years of provision.
Naturally, many believe that when those parents grow old, the children should return that care.
But is it really that simple? Should caring for parents be a duty, a choice, or a shared responsibility built on love and mutual respect?
This conversation deserves honesty, because while the answer may seem obvious, the reality is often far more complex.
Parenthood comes with sacrifice
No one can deny the weight of parenthood.
Parents carry burdens children may never fully understand. They work long hours, skip personal comforts, make painful sacrifices, and often put their own dreams on hold just to ensure their children have better opportunities.
They pay school fees.
They provide shelter.
They protect.
They guide.
They pray.
They endure.
For many parents, their entire lives revolve around giving their children a better future.
Because of this, many people strongly believe that children owe their parents care in return. And honestly, there is truth in that.
Gratitude matters.
Respect matters.
Honour matters.
A child should not forget the hands that held them when they could not stand.
Taking care of parents is a beautiful responsibility
There is nothing wrong with children supporting their parents.
In fact, it is beautiful. Helping your parents when they are older, financially, emotionally, physically, or even just through your presence, is one of the purest forms of gratitude. It reflects character, love, and maturity.
Sometimes, what parents need is not money.
Sometimes they need companionship.
Sometimes they need medical support.
Sometimes they simply need to know they are not forgotten.
Care is not always financial.
It is emotional.
It is relational.
It is human.
Children who genuinely care for their parents help preserve dignity in old age.
That is honourable.
But care should not become a lifetime debt
Here is where the conversation becomes difficult.
While children should care for their parents, that care should not feel like repayment for being born.
A child did not ask to be brought into the world.
Parenting is a responsibility parents choose, not a loan children must repay with interest.
When parents say things like:
“After all I suffered for you…”
“You must take care of me because I trained you…”
“You are my pension plan…”
…it turns love into a transaction.
That creates pressure instead of connection.
Children should care for parents because of love, not because of emotional manipulation or guilt.
Support given under pressure often breeds resentment.
Support given from love builds stronger families.
Children also have their own lives to build
One of the biggest realities people ignore is timing.
When parents begin to age and retire, many children are still trying to survive adulthood.
They are:
1. Building careers
2. Paying rent
3. Managing marriages
4. Raising children
5. Handling debt
6. Trying to find stability
Life is expensive.
Pressure is real.
Expecting children to carry their parents entirely, while they are still trying to stand on their own, can be overwhelming.
Some children want to help deeply but simply do not have the capacity.
Love does not always equal financial ability.
And parents must understand that.
Not every parent was truly a parent
This part is uncomfortable, but it must be said.
Not every parent fulfilled their role with love and responsibility.
Some children were raised with abuse.
Some with neglect.
Some with abandonment.
Some with trauma instead of protection.
Society often says, “They are still your parents.”
But emotional wounds do not disappear because of titles.
Should children care for parents who never cared for them?
There is no easy answer.
Forgiveness is personal.
Healing is personal.
Boundaries are necessary.
Respect does not always mean access.
An obligation should never force people back into harmful relationships.
This truth must be acknowledged with compassion.
Parents should also prepare for old age
Children should help, yes, but parents should also plan.
Retirement should not be built entirely on the hope that children will provide.
Parents should:
1. Save intentionally
2. Invest wisely
3. Build pensions where possible
4. Prepare financially for ageing
Responsible parenting includes preparing for the future.
Children should be supported, not a survival strategy.
When both sides understand this, family relationships become healthier.
The best relationship is mutual respect
The healthiest families are not built on demand.
They are built on mutual respect.
Parents raise children with love and wisdom.
Children honour parents with gratitude and care.
No manipulation.
No entitlement.
No bitterness.
Just a relationship.
Parents should not raise children expecting guaranteed returns.
Children should not forget the sacrifices that shaped them.
Balance matters.
Conclusion
So, should children take care of their parents?
Yes—but not because they are trapped by obligation.
Yes—because love remembers.
Yes—because gratitude matters.
Yes—because dignity in old age matters.
But care should come from compassion, not coercion.
Parents should not treat children like retirement plans, and children should not treat parents like expired responsibilities.
Family should be built on love, not financial contracts.
The goal is not dependency.
The goal is honour.
Because at the end of the day, the strongest families are not the ones held together by guilt.
They are the ones held together by genuine love.
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