Weekly Love Story Column by Olayinka Owolabi-Ajayi
Attraction is instant. It is the spark that catches your attention, the chemistry that makes conversation flow easily, and the excitement that reminds you what is possible. It feels natural, effortless, and powerful. While it can begin a love story, it rarely sustains it.
Attraction happens in the moment.
Alignment is built over time.
You can be deeply drawn to someone’s looks, energy, or personality, yet still discover that your values, goals, and vision for the future do not match. Attraction is what you feel , alignment is what you build together through understanding, patience, and shared purpose.
This week’s love story explores why the strongest relationships are not built on sparks alone, but on alignment and intention to work together.
Read related story: Talking Stage: Why Clarity Matters in Relationships — Olayinka Owolabi-Ajayi
What Attraction Can and Cannot Sustain
Attraction can sustain interest, closeness, and curiosity. It can make you want to know more, try harder, and stay longer. But it cannot replace communication, consistency, or shared direction. You can be physically and emotionally drawn to someone and still be fundamentally misaligned.
It’s easy to mistake chemistry for compatibility. Chemistry is, “I like being around you.” And Compatibility is, “I can grow with you.” Only one of those can truly hold a long-term relationship together. And I’m sure you should know which one it is by now.
To build something lasting, attraction must be matched with alignment and not only of feelings but of values, timing, and purpose. Alignment doesn’t happen by chance; it requires honesty and awareness. It means asking questions like:
- Do we want the same kind of future?
- Can we talk openly when things get uncomfortable?
- Do we respect each other’s boundaries and priorities?
Early Signs of Alignment and Red Flags
When alignment exists, the connection feels steady. You don’t second-guess how the other person feels. Conversations go beyond surface topics, and disagreements create understanding rather than distance. Both people show up with emotional consistency, not just when it’s easy, but when it’s real.
Red flags, on the other hand, are often subtle at first. Maybe there’s great chemistry but little communication. Maybe one person talks about the future while the other avoids it. Or perhaps you find yourself making excuses for their inconsistency. Attraction often blinds us to what misalignment quietly reveals: instability, avoidance, or disconnection over time.
Beyond the Spark
Attraction will always be easier because it asks nothing of us. it’s instinctive (automatic or spontaneous). Alignment demands work, patience, and self-awareness. It’s not just about finding the right person but becoming the kind of person who can sustain what they hope to build.
So yes, attraction lights the match. But alignment keeps the flame alive. In the end, anyone can make your heart race, but the rare ones make it rest.
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