For many male bosses, the sight of Chancellor Rachel Reeves tearing up behind Sir Keir Starmer in the Commons this month hit a nerve. As Starmer pressed ahead with Prime Minister’s questions unaware of the emotional moment happening behind him, some in the business world weren’t focused on empathy but anxiety.
According to One City Headhunter, many male managers quietly admit they dread the idea of a woman crying at work. So much so that they often hold back on giving honest, constructive feedback they wouldn’t hesitate to offer their male colleagues. The worry isn’t always rooted in compassion, but fear: of getting it wrong, being misinterpreted, or just facing the discomfort of visible emotion.
It’s a dynamic that’s persisted for decades. One female banker recalls a top U.S. executive visiting London in the 1990s. “He admitted he avoided giving women tough feedback because he didn’t want to make them cry,” she said. “He was honest, but that meant those women were less likely to grow. They didn’t get the same feedback as men and were more likely to stumble later.”
And the problem hasn’t gone away. In fact, it worsened after the rise of the MeToo movement. A 2019 Lean In study found that 60% of male managers said they felt uncomfortable mentoring younger women a sharp increase from just a year earlier. The fear of being misunderstood had grown so widespread that it was visibly altering workplace dynamics.
Sheryl Sandberg, then COO of Facebook, captured the tension at the time: “Ugly behaviour that once was indulged or ignored is finally being called out and condemned,” she said. “Now we must go further. Avoiding and isolating women at work… must be unacceptable too.”
She was right. While most people today understand the difference between harassment and a normal professional exchange, the lingering discomfort some men feel, especially around emotionally charged moments, continues to disadvantage women.
Because here’s the truth: people cry at work. A YouGov poll last year found that more than half of employees have done so. It’s human. But if a manager sees tears as a sign to step back rather than step up, they’re failing. A good leader doesn’t shy away from uncomfortable moments they navigate them with care and confidence.
What’s ironic is how much energy is wasted on superficial training. Entire consultancies are built on online courses, teaching grown adults that sexual harassment is wrong or that unwelcome massaging in the office is inappropriate. (Yes, even top lawyers are sent these.)
But while companies box-tick their way through performative compliance, they’re overlooking the real issue: a culture that encourages managers often male to treat female colleagues with kid gloves. The result? Women miss out on mentorship, tough feedback, and career-defining conversations.
We don’t need more e-learning modules. We need better managers. Ones who are trained not just to avoid lawsuits, but to lead teams, including those moments when emotion shows up. If we want the gender pay gap to close (and at the current rate, PwC says it will take over 40 years), we can’t afford to let discomfort hold back half the workforce.
So yes, emotion at work can feel awkward. But dodging it isn’t leadership it’s weakness in disguise. It’s time we stopped treating tears like a crisis and started treating them like what they often are: a normal, human response to a high-pressure job.
