Olayinka Owolabi-Ajayi is a certified relationship and marriage coach and the founder of Lifescentia, a platform dedicated to helping singles and couples build love that feels safe, supportive, and deeply connected. Through practical tools and compassionate insight, she guides couples to understand how everyday choices and interactions shape stronger, healthier relationships. When she is not coaching, she writes Love That Works With Lifescentia, a weekly column that offers thoughtful, real-world guidance for building meaningful and lasting connections.
The Talking Stage and Its Misconceptions
In today’s dating culture, what was once clearly called dating has increasingly been replaced by a vague and undefined phase known as the “talking stage.” People talk, text endlessly, share jokes, exchange late-night calls, and build emotional closeness, yet struggle to explain what the connection actually means.
The talking stage feels harmless. It promises connection without pressure. You can enjoy attention without responsibility and closeness without definition. And that is exactly why so many people stay there far longer than they should.
The problem is not conversation. Conversation is necessary. The problem arises when conversation becomes a substitute for clarity.
Many people believe the talking stage is a stepping stone to a relationship. In reality, it often becomes a comfortable hiding place. You feel emotionally invested but structurally uncommitted. You are close enough to care, yet distant enough to walk away without explanation. This grey area is where confusion thrives.
What makes the talking stage so attractive is its flexibility. There are no expectations to manage, no decisions to make, and no future to account for. If things go well, you continue. If they do not, you disappear. No labels, no accountability, and no difficult conversations. It is relational convenience disguised as caution.
But affection does not wait for definitions. You can tell yourself you are “just talking” while slowly adjusting your routines, emotions, and hopes around someone who has made no clear commitment to you. Over time, this imbalance becomes exhausting. One person is waiting for direction, while the other is enjoying access.
This is why many people feel heartbroken even though, technically, nothing ever happened. The talking stage is not wrong; it is simply incomplete. It was never designed to carry emotional weight for long periods of time. It is meant to introduce, not to sustain. When people remain there indefinitely, it often signals fear—fear of choosing, fear of being chosen, or fear of discovering that the interest is not mutual.
Healthy relationships do not rush, but they do progress. They move from curiosity to intention and from intention to clarity. Not all progression leads to permanence, but all progression requires honesty.
If you find yourself stuck in the talking stage, the most important question is not, “Where is this going?” but, “What am I avoiding by staying here?” Sometimes, what feels like patience is actually procrastination.
Connection without clarity eventually becomes emotional distress, and no one builds a stable relationship in distress.
For further enquiries, send an email to book a clarity call at: [email protected]
