Weekly Love Story Column by Olayinka Owolabi-Ajayi
Many people do not agree to start a relationship because they are not truly ready. They get in
because the attention feels good, the connection feels exciting, and the person seems
promising enough to keep going with.
Read related relationship story
Key questions to ask before entering a relationship regarding clarity
1. Has this person been clear, or am I just assuming?
This is where many people get trapped. You talk often. You are close. There is a routine. The
person checks on you, gives you attention, and may even make you feel special. But none of
that automatically means they are serious.
A lot of people enjoy closeness without offering clarity. They want the comfort, the care,
and the access, but not the responsibility of clearly defining what they are building.
2. Can we talk about serious things, or do we only do well when things are
sweet?
Some people are easy to enjoy, but hard to build with. They know how to laugh, flirt, and
create emotional closeness. But the moment you ask a direct question, bring up a concern,
or ask where things are going, the energy changes.
Suddenly you are overthinking. Suddenly you are too serious. Suddenly the mood is ruined
because you introduced honesty.
3. Am I already doing too much emotional work?
This one is simple, but very revealing.
Who keeps trying to fix misunderstandings?
Who starts the hard conversations?
Who explains their feelings again and again?
Who keeps adjusting to keep things from falling apart?
If the answer is mostly you, then you need to pay attention.
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4. Do I like who this person is now, or am I attached to their potential?
Potential has kept many people in situations that reality never supported. They keep hoping
the person will grow, become clearer, become more available, become more serious, or
eventually become the partner they need. I cannot over emphasis on not get attached to
potentials.
Yes, people can grow. But growth is not a solid foundation if it only exists in your
imagination. The real question is not whether this person could become better someday.
The real question is whether who they are right now is honest enough, clear enough, and
emotionally available and matured enough for you to build with.
Also read: Beyond Lying and Cheating: The Silent Killers of Serious Relationships
5. If nothing changed, would I still be happy I said yes?
This question brings everything back to reality. If the communication stayed like this, would I
still call it healthy? If the effort stayed this uneven, would I still feel secure?
If the clarity stayed this low, would I still feel respected?
If the excuses stayed the same, would I still be glad I entered this relationship? This is your
moment of TRUTH.
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