Popular Nigerian dancer and choreographer Kafayat Oluwatoyin Shafau, widely known as Kaffy, has opened up about a deeply traumatic childhood experience involving her mother.
Speaking during a recent episode of The Honest Bunch podcast, the celebrated dance coach revealed how, at the age of 13, her mother accused her of having an affair with one of her boyfriends.
Kaffy explained that after her parents’ divorce, her mother dated several men. She and her siblings, who longed for a father figure, became attached to the men and often referred to them as “daddies.” But according to her, her mother grew insecure about their closeness to the men and began suspecting them of inappropriate relationships.
Recounting one incident, Kaffy said her mother once stripped her naked and flogged her in their living room after misinterpreting an innocent act. She recalled walking into the room of one of her mother’s boyfriends while he was shaving. He accidentally cut himself, and she tried to help by cleaning the blood from his face.
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Her mother entered the room at that moment, assumed the worst, and reacted harshly.
“I was 13 when my mother started suspecting me with her own men,” Kaffy said. “Because of the divorce, she had all kinds of people. She would have different men she was dating, and we would see those men as daddies because we were missing that father [figure].”
She continued: “The closer you are to the men, the more she becomes insecure. And there was a day that I was stripped naked in front of that man in the living room and punished for just trying to help ‘daddy’ clean blood from his face because he was shaving and cut himself. My mother walked in and misinterpreted what was happening, and I was flogged naked in front of everyone.”
Kaffy described the experience as deeply damaging, saying it affected her perception of trust, love, and family.
“That had its own traumatising effect on the mind,” she said. “But then you are thinking, ‘That’s my mother. Would I do that to my mother? Why would my mother even think of me that way?’ It shows how insecurity can transfer from mother to child. It’s done subliminally, but it will always leave its own effect.”
The dancer added that the repeated suspicions and punishments created emotional scars and led to her own struggles with insecurity. However, she also noted that the pain made her determined to break free from what she described as her mother’s emotional abuse and blackmail.
According to Kaffy, surviving those difficult years shaped her into the strong woman she is today. She stressed that her journey as a performer and life coach is rooted in overcoming the emotional wounds of her upbringing.
She said her childhood challenges pushed her to redefine her life and break the cycle of trauma so that her children would not inherit the same struggles.
Despite her difficult past, Kaffy has risen to become one of Nigeria’s most accomplished dancers and fitness coaches. She holds the Guinness World Record for the longest dance party, has choreographed for top Nigerian music stars, and continues to inspire young dancers across Africa.
Her story reflects resilience in the face of pain. By sharing her experience publicly, she hopes to create awareness about the hidden scars caused by childhood trauma, as well as the long-term effects of emotional abuse within families.
For Kaffy, her journey is proof that pain can be turned into purpose. “My experience made me determined to break free from the emotional abuse and blackmail of my parent to become who I am today,” she said.
As her revelations spark conversations among fans and listeners, Kaffy’s story is also a reminder of the importance of healing, breaking generational cycles, and choosing growth over bitterness.
