Popular Nigerian dancer and fitness coach, Kafayat Oluwatoyin Shafau, better known as Kaffy, has spoken candidly about the struggles she faced in her dating life after becoming a single mother.
The 45-year-old mother of two shared her experience during a recent episode of The Honest Bunch podcast, where she addressed the stereotypes and social judgments single parents often face when it comes to love, relationships, and marriage.
Kaffy revealed that she once met a man who openly told her he could never consider her for a serious relationship simply because she had children. According to her, that rejection reflected a wider cultural bias against single mothers.
“I have had somebody tell me because I’m a single mother, he can’t even think of dating me because I have two children,” she said on the podcast.
Kaffy questioned this stereotype, arguing that having children should not automatically disqualify a person from being seen as a worthy partner. Instead, she suggested that single parents who have gone through life challenges may be more self-aware and emotionally mature.
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“What makes you think that a woman who has been divorced is not even the better candidate if she has worked on herself?” she asked. “What’s the guarantee that two single people today won’t end up divorced tomorrow?”
Kaffy states what does not align with modern relationships
The award-winning dancer stressed that society often places unfair expectations on marriage and relationships. She highlighted the common mindset that people should marry someone “fresh” or without past experiences, pointing out that this belief does not align with the reality of modern relationships.
“Why are people insisting on marrying someone fresh?” she questioned. “Both of you are going into the same data the world has computed for you, that over 70% of marriages crash. You are part of that 70%.”
Her remarks drew attention to the fact that marital success is not determined by whether or not a person has been married before or whether they already have children. Instead, she emphasised self-growth, compatibility, and emotional readiness as more important factors.
Kaffy’s reflections come against the backdrop of her marriage and eventual divorce. The dancer tied the knot with Joseph Ameh, a music director and former drummer for the music duo P-Square, in July 2015.
The marriage lasted for several years and produced two children. However, in January 2022, Kaffy confirmed that the union had come to an end. At the time, she explained that the decision was not driven by bitterness or conflict but by a realisation that the couple’s paths no longer aligned.
She cited a desire for personal growth and what she described as a “lack of destiny alignment” as the main reasons for the separation. Since then, Kaffy has embraced her role as a single mother while continuing to build her career in dance, wellness, and motivational speaking.
Over the years, Kaffy has become not just a celebrated performer but also a strong voice for women and parents navigating life after divorce. Her honesty about her personal struggles has resonated with many Nigerians who share similar experiences.
In this latest interview, she reminded listeners that single mothers and fathers should not be judged harshly or dismissed when it comes to love. Instead, she urged society to recognize that resilience, maturity, and growth often come from life’s toughest challenges.
Her words serve as encouragement for many single parents who feel sidelined in matters of the heart. By speaking out, Kaffy continues to challenge long-held stereotypes and push for a more open and understanding view of family, relationships, and second chances.
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