Weekly Love Story Column by Olayinka Owolabi-Ajayi
There’s a quiet surge in present day dating: everyone’s connecting, but no one’s defining what that connection means. We pilot emotional aircrafts with no flight plan, hoping attraction and shared playlists will somehow land us in clarity. Spoiler: they rarely do.
The truth is exclusivity is not a vibe, but a decision. And when it’s not defined, it’s almost always misunderstood.
Exclusivity is a mutual agreement between partners to focus their romantic and emotional energy solely on each other. It’s a conscious, ongoing decision that defines commitment through clarity, trust, and respect. In essence, exclusivity means choosing one another intentionally, consistently, and transparently.
“We Didn’t Talk About It” and That’s Exactly the Problem
If I had a pound (£) for every heartbreak that began with “We didn’t talk about it, but I thought we were exclusive,” I could fund a public awareness campaign on communication.
It usually goes like this: two people see each other consistently, share meals, meet friends, and start using “we” in sentences. One assumes the emotional intimacy equals exclusivity. The other assumes… absolutely nothing.
And so, begins the quiet ache of assumption the kind that grows in the space where a conversation never happened.
In today’s dating landscape, silence has become its own form of communication. But “not talking about it” doesn’t preserve the connection; it only preserves confusion. And confusion is the top rival of emotional safety.
When one person wants commitment and the other calls it “keeping things chill,” someone always ends up hurt, not because they misread the signals, but because no one ever clarified the language.
Exclusivity isn’t about control, but clarity. It’s not “What are we?” asked in desperation. But “What are we building?” asked in maturity.
When boundaries are mutually defined, emotional safety can exist. It’s knowing where you stand, not guessing. It’s understanding that “seeing each other” and “seeing only each other” are not synonymous acts.
Read related story:
Talking Stage: Why Clarity Matters in Relationships — Olayinka Owolabi-Ajayi
Attraction vs Alignment: What truly holds a relationship together
Clarity doesn’t kill romance; it anchors it. You can only relax into connection when you’re not preoccupied with decoding it. It’s hard to be fully present with someone if you’re quietly wondering who else they might be texting goodnight.
We’ve been conditioned to equate exclusivity talks with pressure and “seriousness,” as if wanting to know the emotional terms of engagement makes you needy. Meanwhile, wanting someone to act committed without having a clear conversation or agreement about exclusivity or commitment is the big issue.
In the end, exclusivity is a conversation, and not an assumption. A moment of mutual decision that defines the emotional contract both people are operating under. Because when it’s clear, nobody has to wonder what’s “obvious.”
Exclusivity must be defined, not presumed. Communication isn’t the death of romance; it’s the blueprint for it.
Love doesn’t thrive in the unspoken. It thrives in understanding. Because nothing and I mean nothing feels better than knowing you’re both reading from the same page.
For further enquiries, send an email to book a clarity call at: [email protected]
